Driving Already Sucks, Don’t Add Radio to Your Pain

From my previous post, you all know I possess otherworldly math skills. I’ve put those skills to work, looked up actuary tables, done some maths, and discovered a shocking truth.

If you listen to the radio while commuting, you will die.

It will start off harmless, an easy way to pass the time. Oh I like this song. I wonder who sings it…. Jazzy Jim doesn’t tell you. Eff you Jazzy Jim. You run through your presets. Commercial. Commercial. Country song. Dry heave. Commercial. Well I guess I’ll go back. Commercial. Holy hell. Okay, well maybe good stuff is on the way. 

5 minutes later, you are rewarded for your patience. With Katy Perry. You change the station. Katy Perry. Katy Perry.

A voice in your head whispers to you, “80 mph into a barricade isn’t a bad way to go” Your hands twitch. The voice screams “FOR THE LOVE, JERK THE WHEEL!”. Your hands obey. You die. The autopsy report reveals your brain exploded before impact.

death report after listening to Katy Perry on Radio

Here’s the thing. I like Katy Perry. As long as you are not searching for your soul in her music, you’ll end up okay. But I don’t like her 40 times in the same day. In the grocery store. At the gas station. In the gym…. Okay fine I don’t go to the gym but you get the idea.

Whether your commute is 40 miles or 4 minutes, there is no reason to listen to the radio. And if you rely on radio to discover new music, it may surprise you that there are more than ten bands. You are in my prayers.

Can you say something sucks without offering up alternatives? You can when it is like finding alternatives to flicking your eyeball but I’ll do it anyway.

Get audiobooks free from your library (Overdrive) or cheap at garage sales. CD’s from the library (Freegal) or friends. Internet radio on your phone. Your car is old and stupid? Headphones will bridge that gap. I’ll even turn everything off and just listen to my car’s strange noises that I will have to conquer. Talk radio is a last resort, use it sparingly.

Microsoft Zune HD

Microsoft’s failed attempt at not sucking. I actually love it. I’m sure the other two people who bought it do to.

No friends and no library? Spend $10 a month and get a music subscription. I know you have internet because you are reading this. I personally use Zune Music Pass because I am the only person who actually bought a Zune HD (now discontinued).

$10 a month is worth your life.

Because I care so much about you not dying, I am going to start you off right. I get unlimited music, so if a band shows a snippet of talent, I download their whole CD. Usually, I am badly mistaken and end up trashing it. But every now and then, I get lucky.

Before you scroll down, I have one rule, but it’s an important one. If you listen to a song, listen to the entire thing. 30 seconds can’t do justice to a song, just like 30 minutes can’t for a movie. You need to be there for the whole thing or someone will drop kick you for asking questions.

Below you will find some mostly obscure bands that deserve better.

  • The Reign of Kindo  – Let It Go  
  • Innerpartysystem – Don’t Stop 
  • Royworld – Man in the Machine
  • Paper Route – Last Time
  • Empires – Damn Things Over
  • The Duhks – Fast Paced World
  • Fink – Honesty
  • The Queen Killing Kings – Naked in the Rain
  • Yoav – Adore Adore

Okay I realized I can go forever, so here’s a different tactic.

In a comment, tell me a few songs from bands you love. In return, I will recommend a few bands you may not have heard of. Kind of like Pandora but smarter, more attractive and capable of wearing these.

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11 Responses to Driving Already Sucks, Don’t Add Radio to Your Pain

  1. And that’s why I don’t listen to commercial radio! We are fortunate here to have a Community Radio station; no commercials, and the all-volunteer, dedicated DJs play whatever they like. So if I hear a song I don’t like, I know the next one will be different. They play all genres, and I have found artists I never knew existed as well as lots of local talent. And if I want to know who the artist is, the playlist is loaded on the website as soon as the song is played. Some of the musicians I ‘discovered’ include Matisyahu, Wilco, and Midlake.

  2. littlequietgirl says:

    Funny post! I use Rhapsody. Lately I’ve been listening to Nero, Ellie Goulding, Jason Mraz, and fun.

  3. I recently discovered a band called Moving Mountains. Not the kind of music I typically listen to, ever, but the grabbed me. They opened for Coheed and Cambria. Another band I never thought I would like. Lastly, Good Old War opened for Counting Crows. Pretty decent little band.

  4. My listening choices would only date me, and show how out of touch I am with all the no doubt excellent music choices everyone here lists (I still listen to Queen, Neil Young, John Hartford, and of more recent date Liz Phair). See? Anyway, I don’t listen to them while I drive, because I take public transport and don’t have a car. And (to thoroughly freak you out) recent statistics have shown that people have almost as many accidents listening to music in cars as they do texting (I know, Mark Twain supposedly said that “there are lies, damned lies, and statistics,” but he only grounded a river boat now and then not a car–and chances were, he was listening to the boat’s band or orchestra play the latest waltz at the time! He!he!).

  5. Hanna says:

    I too loved the Zune. I had an older model, but it was the best thing I have ever bought (sans my car).

    Recently I’ve been loving a couple bands: Ivan and Alyosha, of Monsters and Men, The Civil Wars, and Josh Garrels. Fantastic, all of them.

  6. I am totally in love with HURT, stoked to see Chevelle in a couple weeks, and digging a couple local Denver bands- Resonance, Red Tide Rising, and an LA band, Bravo Delta

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